R U OK?
Standing beside my deadly treadily bike “Flo“on a cycle path I hear the call out “R U OK?” from a passing cyclists. Three words provide a lifeline of reassurance, an insurance from humanity that I am not alone.
It takes a second to reach out in this way to connect with strangers and friends to check in to see where they’re at. Let go of the hesitation, self consciousness as it will make a difference to someone’s day. The cost is nothing other than to listen and we are all bestowed with two ears for this purpose. Let go of the expectation that you will be the solution to a problem, your presence is enough, its the sense of being connected. Stretch beyond social media to reach out in a three dimension connection – you will be rewarded. The response could be a thumbs up with a fine or a thumbs down with a sigh.
December can be a time when the Season’s merriment may be tinged with sadness as loved ones lost are remembered and missed. Grief is not reserved for the wake, it comes in reoccurring waves on birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Like a tsunami, grief can floor those in sorrow. There is resilience in creating your own way of celebrating those who are not there on your special days. At our Christmas table we have a setting for those beyond our reach. My Godson inspires me from the star named in his honour and a friend writes letters to those that Australia Post has no address for.
A source of stress is the disparity between the illusion of what we wish for and the starkness of reality. Longing for a happy family or perfect partner can build attitudes that can bubble out in verbal / nonverbal outbreaks. How do you address these feelings and function at Christmas?
The gift to get you through this period is the Jin Shin Jyutsu tradition of holding the finger or thumb of the attitude you are experiencing . That is :
- Thumb for worry
- Index finger for fear
- Middle finger for anger
- Ring finger for sadness
- Little finger for pretense, trying to, efforting
While holding the finger you may feel a pulsing as you own the attitude and jumper cable the energy. At the dining table when you are overwhelmed with anger hold the middle finger before spontaneously combusting. A teacher shared the story of arguing with her angry husband and grabbing his middle finger which shocked them both into quietness and calm that progressed to resolution.
R U Ok? encourages us to check in to see where we are at. How are we travelling in life? What are our needs? Do we need help to achieve these needs or do we have the skills to do it ourselves? Let go of habits of soldiering on alone dare to be vulnerable with those who provide comfort. Ask “Am I OK?” . Self care is holding your fingers witnessing the shift in attitudes halting a reaction to foster a healing where no one is harmed.